2/26/2004 12:35:00 PM by Rob

Man Quiz


1) Where do you take your family on vacation this summer?

a. Mall of America (0 pts)
b. Billings, MT (2 pts)
c. Orlando, FL (hey, they have NBA and NASCAR bars there, 5 pts)
d. Wrigley Field (3 pts, the parking sucks)

2) You wake up on Sunday, and you know you have no coffee in the house. What do you do?

a. Go out with complete bedhead (2 pts)
b. Take a shower, apply “product” to your hair, before leaving (0 pts)
c. Pour a handful of water in your hand, then wet your hair down b4 leaving (hey, it’s the effort that counts, 5 pts)

3) You invite a couple of buddies to your house to play Xbox on your big-screen. Even though you have two other TVs, your new live-in girlfriend, who had nothing whatsoever to do with the purchase or payment of the apartment, the TV, or the Xbox, informs you that you cannot play on the big TV, since she has to watch “American Idol” and “The Bachelorette” tonight, and in fact, please ask permission in the future. What do you do? (Based on actual events)

a. Throw the fuckin’ bitch out (1 pt)
b. Slink off to the back room with the Xbox and sit on the floor with your buddies, like small children (0 pts)
c. When your buddies arrive, announce that you are taking them to Gameworks, and you’ll be home “whenever”. (5 pts)

4) You are watching the 6PM SportsCenter. After that, the Dusquene/New Hampshire basketball game for 5th place in the Colonial Conference comes on. What do you do?

a. Watch the damn thing. It’s sports, ain’t it? (5 pts)
b. Put in your copy of “Hoosiers” for the 187th time. (3 pts)
c. Hurry up and find the Family Channel, so you can catch the last part of tonight’s “7th Heaven” rerun. (-1 pt)

5) You are watching NCAA tournament game with buddies at one of their houses. First half, 5 minutes left. You are standing in front of the fridge, and there is one unopened beer left. What do you do?

a. Take it and scurry back to the game without telling anyone. (1 pt)
b. Whine loudly, “How can you be out of beer already?” (0 pts)
c. Take off your cap, go out into the living room, hold it out and say that you are going out on a beer run. (5 pts, take one for the team)

6) Same situation, except it’s 2nd half, one minute left, tie score. What do you do?
a. Take it and scurry back to the game without telling anyone. (2 pts, which is really generous for taking a man’s last beer)
b. Whine loudly “How can you be out of beer already?” (-5 pts, bitch)
c. Get a glass out of the cupboard and pour yourself some tap water. What, do you want to miss the end? (5 pts)

7) What do you drive?
a. 1994 Plymouth Voyager w/soccer ball appliqué in the window (0 pts)
b. Blue Monte Carlo with “24” sticker in window (0 pts)
c. Ford F-150 with “3”, “8”, and “Calvin peeing on ‘24’” stickers (4 pts)
d. Porsche Cayenne (0 pts, fruit!)
e. 1967 Chevy Bel-air ragtop with 20s and hydraulic lift package (5 pts)
f. 2001 Mercury Sable with 104,000 miles on it (3 pts, that’s a lot of ass-time)
g. Indiscrimate year and model Trans/Camaro, with five different colors on Bondo (0 pts, this isn't a Sux fan blog)

8) What are you wearing right now?
a. White shirt, conservative tie, suit jacket slung over back of chair (4 pts)
b. Carhartts (5 pts)
c. JNCO jeans 6 sizes too large (0 pts, pull your fuckin’ drawers up around your waist, Supafly!)
d. Armani repressed shoulder jacket over a Hugo Boss tee with Perry Ellis jeans and Prada shoes (do you have to ask?)
e. Trench coat (2 pts, that’s cool….)

9) Constitutional amendment on same-sex marriages? What do you say?
a. “Well, the reason why I came up with the idea was to preserve the sanctity of marriage” (0 pts)
b. “Good. Them queers aren’t taking MY tax dollars.” (-1 pt)
c. “Whatever…” (1 pt)
d. “Oh, I see we caught Bin Laden already, huh?” (5 pts)

10) Jay and Silent Bob?
a. Gay (1 pt)
b. The bomb (3 pts)
c. I heard Jay died of a heroin overdose (-1 pt)
d. Who? (0 pts)
e. I see Silent Bob is making commercials for Panasonic (5 pts)

11) Finally, Internet quizzes?
a. Gay (2 pts)
b. Neat (1 pt)
c. Who’s gonna bat leadoff this year, Grud or Patterson (5 pts)
d. Steinbrenner should be banned from the league (-10 pts)

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