1/30/2004 03:16:00 PM by Rob

Once upon a time, at a golf course far, far away....

Maddux: "Hey, Scott? Talk to the Cubs yet?"

Boras: "Uhhh, yeah. Jim called me the other day. We said our hidy's. Not much else."

Maddux: "Did they act like they wanted me?"

Boras: "Like a starving crack whore. They're gonna pay, and pay big. I'll call the Dodgers, and the Giants, and try to solicit some counter..."

Maddux: "Hold on a second! Don't waste your time going to a bunch of different teams, trying to drum up some fake interest to hold the Cubs hostage! I want to play there, they want me, so just get the best offer, OK?"

Boras: "The Players Union isn't gonna like this..."

Maddux: "SCREW THE FUCKIN PLAYERS UNION! I have more money than my wife, children, and grandchildren can ever spend! All I need is my Pings and beer money. Just get me a couple of years, so I can win 300, and maybe a World Series with the Cubs, and I won't ever have to pay my way onto another course ever again!"

Boras: "Then, I have no choice than to resign as your representative."

Maddux: "Don't be an anus. We can send a message here, a good one. I want to play for a winner in Chicago. We'll be heroes. Gods, even. Just call Hendry, capiche?"

Boras: "No problem...he's on hold."

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