12/08/2003 10:10:00 AM by Rob

Who's gonna lead off?

Let's say that something strange happened, and there was a glitch in one of the Tribune's economist's spreadsheets, and that glitch seemed to indicate that they could acheieve maximum profit by maximum expenditures: the more they spent, the more profit they could make. So they go out and sign Vlad and Sheff, bench Sosa and Alou, sign Pudge, and also Javy to back HIM up, and then MadDog as our fifth starter.

Even if they did ALL that....Who's gonna lead off?

This exercise of the ridiculous has been brought to you by advanced math classes, which stress that if you took the most extreme situation and tested the theory against it, would it still give the expected result?

My point is: we re-signed Grud, and even though he is crying "collusion" and is not happy, he's our second baseman. Vazquez has been traded, and Vlad has been let loose, so the Expos don't have to get rid of Vidro. We could sign Pudge or Javy Lopez to help us behind the plate, and I personally prefer the non-enhanced Pudge over the steroid-popping Lopez. Or we may do neither. We may sign Maddux to bolster the best staff in the majors. We may even sign one of the two stud-ass sluggers for the outfield, even though the chances of that happening are nil.

If we do, so what? We don't have a leadoff hitter. We have Grud, who at his BEST did not get on base enough, does not run or cause havoc on the basepaths, and even when he was hitting for average last year, did not ignite the offense like Lofton did.

We can be stacked to the rafters 2-7, or even 2-8, but I am a complete convert to the necessity of a leadoff man, and without Jose Vidro, without Kenny Lofton, and without any other true leadoff option, we will not make the playoffs next year.

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