12/10/2003 10:22:00 AM by Rob

The most glorious way to mark the one year anniversary of the Sloth is to bring in a real hitting catcher!

The one year anniversary also features the longest headline. Sorry.

In case you haven't heard, there is some smoke-n-sizzle for us today: KSAZ-TV in Phoenix, Arizona leaked word that the Cubs and free agent catcher Ivan Rodriguez were closing in on a deal. CubsTalk
has since learned from sources that a deal for Rodriguez is on the table and could be finalized soon.

Of course, the Bugler, the morning talk show host was just besides himself imagining a lineup that looks like this:

2B Grud
C Pudge
1B Lee
RF Sofa
LF Alou
CF Patterson
3B Ramirez
SS AGon
P Stud-du-Jour

See, I got issues, starting with the notion that Sammy Ego-fuck Sosa is going to agree to drop in the order? Really? Since when?

Ramirez 7th, when Patterson is 6th? Lee third? When did HE become Lord of OPS?

And Pudge 2nd? The Fish themselves had him fifth, I believe, until he went apeshit in the playoffs, so they took advantage by moving him up. Doesn't the second hitter have to sacrifice himself sometime in terms of moving the leadoff runner around? Maybe this won't be an issue, since Grud isn't a leadoff hitter. He isn't gonna walk, run, bunt, etc, like good leadoff men do. Maybe we'll just pretend that we WON'T have a leadoff hitter, so we'll treat Grud like a 2 hitter, Pudge like a '3', Lee like a '4'...down to Gonzalez as our ninth hitter, and the pitcher will be just a real shitty DH?

Anyway...I'm putting the cart b4 the horse, MegaBigTime!! The main thing is that my raw smelly asshole is burning right now, from all the Pudge smoke that they're blowing. I hope Hendry gots the big ol' Zimmer-sized tube of Prep H....

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