12/11/2003 10:05:00 AM by Rob

Fucking Boras

OK, so we ran around like decapitated chickens yesterday. And, it was NO accident, my friends.

A Phoenix TV station leaked the news that Pudge Rodriguez, through Scott Boras, was close to signing with the Cubs. Of course, everyone in Chicago and Cubs Nation jumped all over it. I would say that the tone of the conversation could be characterized as "favorable".

Then, someone got ahold of the Cubs, as well as Boras, who denied the claims, but indicated that talks may begin at the winter meetings. Meanwhile, we're all hot and bothered about where Pudge fits in the batting order, yadda yadda. And people start M-Fing the media for being irresponsible with their stories.

But take a step back and look at this again.

The story was leaked in AZ...not Chicago or Florida. Guess who happens to be based in Arizona? Also guess who might have planted this story with the television station? Did you guess Boras? Good, you win a cookie.

Why would this wet fart do such a thing? Leverage! No, he isn't gonna publish a 75 page booklet about Pudge's stats for the next millenium...Pudge is too old for that. In fact, he needs to try to sweep the "age" thing under the rug. What this cocksucker did, instead, is start the negotiations in the court of public opinion.

His first words to Hendry are gonna be something like: "Hey, Jimmy. The fans are gonna love him...look how apeshit they went when it was merely rumored that he was coming." He probably made a few million MORE dollares for his client by leaking the false story. If it went the other way, if Cub Nation pissed and moaned about the cost, if we said we want Javy instead, then you know, all of a sudden, Baltimore seems interested again.

But he doesn't want to go there, he wants togo with a winner...the fuckhead Boras is playing us like a plywood fiddle, and we're all STUPID enough to take the bait. Pavlov and his dog. Rita Hayworth walking through Alcatraz in a tight sweater. Sacks of US grain dropped on starving Ethiopians. Rocks of crack waved in front of skeezy ho's. The best catcher in the game, waved in front of us. Us die hards, who have had to suffer the indignities of Tim Hosley, Barry Foote, Robert Machado, Steve fucking Swisher, Damon Berryhill....the motherfucking TURD, for Christ sakes....and Boras is waving Pudge in our faces, not even two months after the squat ass prick single-handedly kicked our ass in the playoffs!

Of course, we're gonna drool. That ain't fair. That ain't playing right. That's cold, that's sticking a fork into your dead mama. The shit-heel suckie-tit butt-lick prick-smoker Boras has got us, Cub Nation, Hendry, McFail and everyone else who bleeds blue bent so far over, we could lick our toes.

SUCK MY CRACK, BORE-USS!! I fucking resent jumping through hoops for you, you miserable bastard. You got what I want, you know it, I know it, I wrap my hands around my ankles and you sniff and say, "no, not far enough. Bend til it hurts....beeyatch!"

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